We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
