We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
