Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
