Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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