his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
