Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
