I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
not ubering you a puppy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
