have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
