i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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