Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
