my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
