My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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