Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
