Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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