I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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