last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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