Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
