He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
