I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
