Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
