she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
