He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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