No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
