That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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