i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So squirting runs in the family.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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