she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
