I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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