Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Farmville is her only friend.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
