its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
