on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
