If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
