Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
