Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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