I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
