I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
