OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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