exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
