there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
