So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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