This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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