My hand turned me down
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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