She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
