i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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