My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
