dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
