I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
