I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
