I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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