Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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