May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
