I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
