i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
