Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
